They said to me "You haven’t been taking your pain killers"
When she was born at 5.08pm, she could not breath by herself properly. They put me in a private room by myself and partner was with baby in NICU. I asked when will I see my baby. MW said I have to wait for anaesthetic to wear off. This did not happen until 10.30pm.
I met my baby properly at 11pm on the Wednesday night.
Thursday, I spent all day with her.
Friday morning – they said to me “You haven’t been taking your pain killers.” I said “What painkillers?” Nobody had told me about or given me any painkillers and yes, I really would like some. But they said I looked fine. I told them I was not ‘fine’. I was in severe pain and I was shivering. But because at this time I am walking to see my baby they are presuming I was fine. They wouldn’t give me a wheelchair either because they said I looked fine because I was walking up and down. Only because I desperately needed to see and be with my daughter.
They sent me home because they said I was OK.
No-one brought my painkillers and I didn’t even know I had food. On discharge I was told about all of the things that they did not give me and I felt at fault.
When I got home, I hid as people were there asking where is my baby.
On the Friday night – I need to produce milk and I could not. I did not know what to do. I had no support. I felt once again (like it was my) fault. The MW said I have to give her formula. She was on a ventilator but I wanted to breast feed but they said I can’t because she can’t breathe by herself.
I decided to, I was going to, so I secretly took her and breastfed her and they could not believe that she could breathe [on her own].
I was not producing enough milk so I could not take her home. I wanted to know why she had breathing problems but they couldn’t tell me why. This was on the Saturday. I wanted to take her home but I was getting the same argument that I am not producing enough milk. I felt like I was not doing what I am supposed to as a mother.
She was in there for a whole 7 days without a good reason. First breathing, then my milk not enough produced, then chest x-ray saw something then finally I could take her home.